The saying goes "Hell has no fiery like a Scorn Woman" and it is a true saying. Ladies when we get get hurt by the man of our dreams we become a true Devil's daughter in her own rights. Ladies we not only go after him but everything that involves him in his world including that new bitch in his life! We go after the car, his new place and his job. Hell we will take a skillet upside his damn head hoping that some sense will come to him before he walks his ass out that the door. Am I right? Well at least most of y'all do. And we do this because we are seeking that closures that he refuses to give to us.
But ladies let me share with you my own heartbreak.
My heart goes way back to the south side of Chicago. We grow up together, he went away and got married and divorced. I had a child, went away, got married and divorced. However this man had heart and there was nothing I would have not done for him. If he had said "pack your shit and let's go!" I would have done it. But unfortunately my love was either not want he wanted or it was not good enough. Come to think of it, in all years I have have known him, he never once said he told that he love me. (Bet somebody is going to say "Your stupid ass should have paid attention! And I guess what I am about to say? . . . . . That I am woman enough to admit that I was!)
But I guess that is why I did not shredded a tear for him when things when down they way they did. I got jealous of him telling someone that utter those words to person and never to me. Now usually I don't jealous about nobody for no reasons. And yes I was truly beside myself when I heard him say them. The car ride on the home was quite. He drop me off and left. Never heard from him again and he did not returns my phone calls accepting my apologizes. Once I tired to reach to him and he did not respond. And I accepted that.
I accepted it after I stop to think about all ways I wanted to boiled his ass with a blow torture. Y'all I will be in the kitchen pouring myself a glass of wine, holding the bottle thinking how can I screw this up his ass. How many of you saw the movie Single White Female? There is a part in there where Jennifer Jason Leigh's character kills Bridget Fond's boyfriend with a 6-inch stilettos heel right to the tempo . . . .yeap, I thought about that too.
I accepted it ladies because it was definite awake up call to understanding that he really did not love me as I thought. And that was to my first understanding. Yes ladies, that in itself was really hard to grasp and it took a minute to get over it. And how did I get over it? I went shopping and I got under another man. Because of how the relationship ended I really did not want to give myself like that again and I could not believe that all those years of friendship and other things that were between us was gone just like that.
But this got me to start think differently about my next, if and when I get into it, relationship. It brought two subjects to before me that I really did not want to deal with: commitment and the trust of my love. Now I knew that I had commitment issues but I don't think that would have been my problem with him. However once again my commitment issues started to surface, and I did not have time to give flying rat ass about him at that moment when I knew I had to deal with this issue before getting into the next serious relationship. Yes I had commitment issues before I was married and even today I still find myself with that problem. To put it simply, I do not want to do it. That fear factor is there and I was afraid that I will not be able to confront it.
Coming away from that breakup I started thinking how can I trust the next man to tell him I love him? Cause now I am scared to tell the next "good man" that I love him due to the last ass with his rejections of my love, This is would be of great difficulty for me. If he is not apart of the Johnson family, and this include Brent, LeRoy and my son, that I will and would tell them that I love them and all their fuckin flaws.
Okay, okay, I still do love my ex husband and this because that man gave me the world to explore and learn from; and for that I am most grateful to him. He encourage me in ways that I did not know could from a man outside of my family. But those three words "I love you" are not words to be taken lightly because they have brought many people pain and grief. People have divorce and been killed over those words, and one side love have been shattered over those words.
Some people do not understand that to say "I love you" it comes with huge amount of respect for the one that you are saying it to. See my ex husband gave me respect with those words and even when we divorce he gave me that respect. However with this breakup I learned that regardless of how years we had known each other, he did not respect me at all.
The number reason as to why I am not bitter about this is because when I was younger, my uncles told me that a man is going to be where wants to be when it comes to a woman. Ladies it has been three years since the breakup, and I have approach each and every new relationship with the next man with skepticism. I let that man make his own mistakes and did not let the pain from the past relationships be his responsibility. Because we (and I am saying this because both men and women are guilty of it) hold the next lover who comes into our lives responsible for what the last lover did; and that is not fair to them. He or she did not doing nothing wrong, yet we make difficult for them to get next to our heart.
And let me tell you another reason why I am not bitter, because I am not about to give him that power! I am NOT going to ruin my life for him. I am have and continue to enjoy every single bit of what life has to offer.
With that said, hey Guy who broke my heart! I may be a woman who is having fun enjoying her life with out any bitterness but do not gave me a reason to scorn your ass. But then again it would have to be a damn good reason for me to scorn you. Your new life does not count!
But ladies let me share with you my own heartbreak.
My heart goes way back to the south side of Chicago. We grow up together, he went away and got married and divorced. I had a child, went away, got married and divorced. However this man had heart and there was nothing I would have not done for him. If he had said "pack your shit and let's go!" I would have done it. But unfortunately my love was either not want he wanted or it was not good enough. Come to think of it, in all years I have have known him, he never once said he told that he love me. (Bet somebody is going to say "Your stupid ass should have paid attention! And I guess what I am about to say? . . . . . That I am woman enough to admit that I was!)
But I guess that is why I did not shredded a tear for him when things when down they way they did. I got jealous of him telling someone that utter those words to person and never to me. Now usually I don't jealous about nobody for no reasons. And yes I was truly beside myself when I heard him say them. The car ride on the home was quite. He drop me off and left. Never heard from him again and he did not returns my phone calls accepting my apologizes. Once I tired to reach to him and he did not respond. And I accepted that.
I accepted it after I stop to think about all ways I wanted to boiled his ass with a blow torture. Y'all I will be in the kitchen pouring myself a glass of wine, holding the bottle thinking how can I screw this up his ass. How many of you saw the movie Single White Female? There is a part in there where Jennifer Jason Leigh's character kills Bridget Fond's boyfriend with a 6-inch stilettos heel right to the tempo . . . .yeap, I thought about that too.
I accepted it ladies because it was definite awake up call to understanding that he really did not love me as I thought. And that was to my first understanding. Yes ladies, that in itself was really hard to grasp and it took a minute to get over it. And how did I get over it? I went shopping and I got under another man. Because of how the relationship ended I really did not want to give myself like that again and I could not believe that all those years of friendship and other things that were between us was gone just like that.
But this got me to start think differently about my next, if and when I get into it, relationship. It brought two subjects to before me that I really did not want to deal with: commitment and the trust of my love. Now I knew that I had commitment issues but I don't think that would have been my problem with him. However once again my commitment issues started to surface, and I did not have time to give flying rat ass about him at that moment when I knew I had to deal with this issue before getting into the next serious relationship. Yes I had commitment issues before I was married and even today I still find myself with that problem. To put it simply, I do not want to do it. That fear factor is there and I was afraid that I will not be able to confront it.
Coming away from that breakup I started thinking how can I trust the next man to tell him I love him? Cause now I am scared to tell the next "good man" that I love him due to the last ass with his rejections of my love, This is would be of great difficulty for me. If he is not apart of the Johnson family, and this include Brent, LeRoy and my son, that I will and would tell them that I love them and all their fuckin flaws.
Okay, okay, I still do love my ex husband and this because that man gave me the world to explore and learn from; and for that I am most grateful to him. He encourage me in ways that I did not know could from a man outside of my family. But those three words "I love you" are not words to be taken lightly because they have brought many people pain and grief. People have divorce and been killed over those words, and one side love have been shattered over those words.
Some people do not understand that to say "I love you" it comes with huge amount of respect for the one that you are saying it to. See my ex husband gave me respect with those words and even when we divorce he gave me that respect. However with this breakup I learned that regardless of how years we had known each other, he did not respect me at all.
The number reason as to why I am not bitter about this is because when I was younger, my uncles told me that a man is going to be where wants to be when it comes to a woman. Ladies it has been three years since the breakup, and I have approach each and every new relationship with the next man with skepticism. I let that man make his own mistakes and did not let the pain from the past relationships be his responsibility. Because we (and I am saying this because both men and women are guilty of it) hold the next lover who comes into our lives responsible for what the last lover did; and that is not fair to them. He or she did not doing nothing wrong, yet we make difficult for them to get next to our heart.
And let me tell you another reason why I am not bitter, because I am not about to give him that power! I am NOT going to ruin my life for him. I am have and continue to enjoy every single bit of what life has to offer.
With that said, hey Guy who broke my heart! I may be a woman who is having fun enjoying her life with out any bitterness but do not gave me a reason to scorn your ass. But then again it would have to be a damn good reason for me to scorn you. Your new life does not count!
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