Upon turning 45 years last December I have been experiencing some womanly things that has cause me to not be myself any more. I find myself being a lot more happier, nicer and sarcastic than usual. I know that when I get in my 40s that I would be going throw some things with my body but the Lord did not prepare me for what I have been through this year with my body. So recently I went to see my Gyn. and Lord have mercy on me because I have been her calling my BYON or my GYON, y'all just walk along with me because I really have not myself at all.
So sitting the in the doctor's office with the doctor and I am explaining to her how Auntie Flo has really been inconvenient for me this year. I love her when she shows up on regular 28 days but then there were times when she would show up 2 or 2 1/2 weeks later and in my frame of mind, I am like let me kill this bitch here! There has also been a few times where this bitch would show up 30 or 45 days later. Ladies in my frame of mind I am like give me a knife so I can stab this bitch! (Now keep in mind that I am explaining this to my Gyn.) Auntie Flo makes herself be known by causing me such pain that I am bend over trying to push her out like I am in labor. Whenever Auntie Flo is visiting and if I am sitting in the back seat of a car, whoever is in the front seat, guess what? Their ass is going into the engine of car. That is just how much Auntie Flo is causing extreme discomfort for me. I also described some other symptoms which I would not share here and just know that they were too crazy for me to comprehend before I had this conversation with my Gyn.
So the following dialog is what took place between me and doctor:
Doctor: Are you having double vision?
Me: Only when I going intents spreadsheets and viewing social media for took long.
Doctor: Do you get dizziness?
Me: Only when I drink too much Kool-aid.
Doctor: How is your sleep habit?
Me: There are nights where I can sleep all night and there are times like that past few night where I have toss my ass like a salad. However I am contributing that to Auntie Flo who just came and went. Thank you Jesus! And yet I have not done my 28 days cycle and I am thinking that I am starting menopause.
(But then the doctor said something that just floored the hell out of me!)
Doctor: It sound like you are having pre-pause menopause.
Ladies, I wish you all were there to see the look on my face because I was still on the "Pre" of the pre-pause menopause.
Me: What? (And I trying to think here but I can't because of the "Pre".)
Doctor: It is where your body is starting to prepare itself for menopause.
Me: WHAT? And wait I am still on the "pre" part.
Doctor: Pre-pause menopause takes place 3 to 7 years prior to menopause taking action.
Me: Huh? ( I am still in astonishment with "pre"!) (Y'all had to be there to witness my reaction to hearing this.)
Doctor: Menopause is when you do not have a period of a year or more straight. You period might come for a few months and then not come for a few months. That is not menopause and you can still have a baby during that time.
Me: Shit, I did not need to encourage Mehmet like that! That boy is under the impression that we can have a baby! And that is really a conversation that I did not want to have my 25 years son. Can you image what he will say after all this time?! And he is leaving to go do Active Duty for the Army.
(Yes Ladies I am freaking out about this because on one hand Mehmet will have hope and on the other Nick will kill me!)
Doctor: (and she is laughing at me!) You will be fine and I will give some to information on Pre-pause menopause. Let's start your exam. Would you like a flu shot today as well?
Me: What? Huh? Really? Is it time for that again? What?
Before leaving the doctor's office I did get my flu shot wondering when did that become apart of the Big Girl Exam process.
The next day I was still in all about the Pre-Pause Menopause that I had to call Glenna and tell her all about my visit with the Gyn (Gyon - I am not myself, y'all!), repeating everything to here prompted her to say "What?' follow by laughter. So our conversation was like this:
Glenna: I wonder how many millions of dollars did it take for them to come up with that word?
Me: Do they even do studies on Menopause?
Glenna: Sure they do! How in the hell do you think they come up with all these damn names.
Me: But what exactly is Menopause?
Glenna: Menopause is the transaction of a woman body changes into drying up and get blowing away. You should write about this in your blog?
Me: I sure should. Wait, let me write down what you just said about menopause. Repeat what you just said.
Glenna: I said, I said that menopause is the transaction of . . . . . . . what the hell did I just say? Menopause is the action of . . . . . Aw hell! Don't ask a person with earlier stages of Alzheimer's disease to remember what the hell I just said!!!
Me: Oooops, sorry sweetie! {As part of the Psychology of Communication, I know that my BBF has a lot of health issues and I never want to her to feel that she is alone in them!} I forget the we had that!
(This is followed by laughter from the both of us!)
Glenna: What happen to Post Menopause? And that is all I know about is post menopause.
So Ladies I had to do some research on this to learn that Menopause comes in three stages. (What?)
Perimenopause, Menopuase, and PostMenopause. (NO WONDER I AM SO CONFUSED!) And Lord have mercy . . . . I can not wait to have a discussion with Glenna regard this?
Stay tune and at this point I need something strong than vodka, perhaps Saki!
So sitting the in the doctor's office with the doctor and I am explaining to her how Auntie Flo has really been inconvenient for me this year. I love her when she shows up on regular 28 days but then there were times when she would show up 2 or 2 1/2 weeks later and in my frame of mind, I am like let me kill this bitch here! There has also been a few times where this bitch would show up 30 or 45 days later. Ladies in my frame of mind I am like give me a knife so I can stab this bitch! (Now keep in mind that I am explaining this to my Gyn.) Auntie Flo makes herself be known by causing me such pain that I am bend over trying to push her out like I am in labor. Whenever Auntie Flo is visiting and if I am sitting in the back seat of a car, whoever is in the front seat, guess what? Their ass is going into the engine of car. That is just how much Auntie Flo is causing extreme discomfort for me. I also described some other symptoms which I would not share here and just know that they were too crazy for me to comprehend before I had this conversation with my Gyn.
So the following dialog is what took place between me and doctor:
Doctor: Are you having double vision?
Me: Only when I going intents spreadsheets and viewing social media for took long.
Doctor: Do you get dizziness?
Me: Only when I drink too much Kool-aid.
Doctor: How is your sleep habit?
Me: There are nights where I can sleep all night and there are times like that past few night where I have toss my ass like a salad. However I am contributing that to Auntie Flo who just came and went. Thank you Jesus! And yet I have not done my 28 days cycle and I am thinking that I am starting menopause.
(But then the doctor said something that just floored the hell out of me!)
Doctor: It sound like you are having pre-pause menopause.
Ladies, I wish you all were there to see the look on my face because I was still on the "Pre" of the pre-pause menopause.
Me: What? (And I trying to think here but I can't because of the "Pre".)
Doctor: It is where your body is starting to prepare itself for menopause.
Me: WHAT? And wait I am still on the "pre" part.
Doctor: Pre-pause menopause takes place 3 to 7 years prior to menopause taking action.
Me: Huh? ( I am still in astonishment with "pre"!) (Y'all had to be there to witness my reaction to hearing this.)
Doctor: Menopause is when you do not have a period of a year or more straight. You period might come for a few months and then not come for a few months. That is not menopause and you can still have a baby during that time.
Me: Shit, I did not need to encourage Mehmet like that! That boy is under the impression that we can have a baby! And that is really a conversation that I did not want to have my 25 years son. Can you image what he will say after all this time?! And he is leaving to go do Active Duty for the Army.
(Yes Ladies I am freaking out about this because on one hand Mehmet will have hope and on the other Nick will kill me!)
Doctor: (and she is laughing at me!) You will be fine and I will give some to information on Pre-pause menopause. Let's start your exam. Would you like a flu shot today as well?
Me: What? Huh? Really? Is it time for that again? What?
Before leaving the doctor's office I did get my flu shot wondering when did that become apart of the Big Girl Exam process.
The next day I was still in all about the Pre-Pause Menopause that I had to call Glenna and tell her all about my visit with the Gyn (Gyon - I am not myself, y'all!), repeating everything to here prompted her to say "What?' follow by laughter. So our conversation was like this:
Glenna: I wonder how many millions of dollars did it take for them to come up with that word?
Me: Do they even do studies on Menopause?
Glenna: Sure they do! How in the hell do you think they come up with all these damn names.
Me: But what exactly is Menopause?
Glenna: Menopause is the transaction of a woman body changes into drying up and get blowing away. You should write about this in your blog?
Me: I sure should. Wait, let me write down what you just said about menopause. Repeat what you just said.
Glenna: I said, I said that menopause is the transaction of . . . . . . . what the hell did I just say? Menopause is the action of . . . . . Aw hell! Don't ask a person with earlier stages of Alzheimer's disease to remember what the hell I just said!!!
Me: Oooops, sorry sweetie! {As part of the Psychology of Communication, I know that my BBF has a lot of health issues and I never want to her to feel that she is alone in them!} I forget the we had that!
(This is followed by laughter from the both of us!)
Glenna: What happen to Post Menopause? And that is all I know about is post menopause.
So Ladies I had to do some research on this to learn that Menopause comes in three stages. (What?)
Perimenopause, Menopuase, and PostMenopause. (NO WONDER I AM SO CONFUSED!) And Lord have mercy . . . . I can not wait to have a discussion with Glenna regard this?
Stay tune and at this point I need something strong than vodka, perhaps Saki!
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