The Wayne Johnson Series: When She is in the Kitchen!

When I was a kid, I often heard my grandfather give my uncles, my brothers, and male cousins some good advice on a variety of things.  From handy ideals in construction to how to treat your woman right, granddaddy always had advice to give even when you did not want to hear it.

My grandfather, Wayne Johnson, thought that he was only guru around or at least of Eggleston Street in Chicago.  Whatever you were doing was wrong according to him and he made appoint to show you the proper way of doing things. Granddaddy usually said that things always had to be right the first time so you would have to redo it again.  And in most cases he was always right.

As a kid I often heard my grandfather give advice on women to male family members.  One time he said to men of the family, "I wouldn't want you guys to grow up stupid!" And they still did. 

Accordingly to grandfather depending on what news that you tell her will determine what action she might take against you.  For example, if she is in the kitchen and she is cooking, and you came home and told her that you lost your job.  You might get some sympathy, you might get some "Aw babe, we will be okay!" or you might her going upside your head asking you "what the hell did you do to lose your job?"

But if you came home and she was in the kitchen cooking you dinner, and you decided to tell her about your affair and that from this affair a child was born.  Two things can happen to you: one, if she remains cool while still cooking then you would most likely get to have diarrhea and some heavy curse words.  However she will most likely she will kick your ass later.   Or two, if she is still remaining calm while cooking than she might mixing a special blend that you kill your butt.  Somewhere in there you might want to dunk from the flying knives that she is throwing at your head.  (Sidebar: Have you even notice that a woman's aim is always good when she is mad at you?  She never miss that body part that she want to do the most damage to.) 

At the same time, have you notice that when she wants to tell you something she always cooks your favorite meals.  You know that roast beef with mashed potatoes and fried corn. And lets not forget the gravy!  It be so good that an hour later you notice that the sink is missing!  See us women are smart at knowing when and how to tell our man the bad news.  (Nope not me, I will tell his butt and let him figure it out later! Need to keep it moving.)

I remember my grandfather also telling the male family members DO NOT EVER FIGHT WITH HER IN THE KITCHEN! Can you image the non structural damage that can be done when your woman snap while she is in the kitchen?  You know her behavior and you are going to test it while she is in the kitchen?  Now I have seen my grandparents argue in the kitchen with my grandfather usually leaving the kitchen.  My grandfather was no damn dummy when it came to my grandmother.  Of course grandmother had plenty of pots and pans hanging around in designer kitchen which he built for her.  Say something wrong and don't think she wouldn't.  I can still hear them especially grandmother saying "Wayne L. Johnson, if you don't get your ass out of my kitchen!" 

At that time I did not thinking it was so serious until the one day while living in Istanbul, my ex-husband and I were in his mother's kitchen having a argument and the only thing that came out of my mouth when he raised his hand to slap me was "I know where everything is in this kitchen.  Don't I think I won't lay your ass out!"  Looking him dead in his eyes, all he could do was stand there like a statue.  Because he was thinking, serious thinking and all say after that was "go home!"  An hour later my ex-husband came to me and we kiss and made up, however he did told me that he truly believe that would have laid his ass out. 

Lord and behold my grandfather's advice is right, because other than the kitchen, the other place a man should never argue with his woman at is the bedroom closet.  If she is in or next her that closet, it is a wrap!  We have high heels shoes of all kind!

I love Haters!

It is going to come off as being sarcastic or sadistic however just let me tell you the truth.  I really do love Haters!  Their negative energy gives me the best energy to keep moving forward in accomplishing my goals. I am not going to argue with as why they hate because I am being me. 

Think about it!  Do you even know why your Haters hate you? What did you do for them to hate you?  I bet you don't even know why, do you?  I thought of some reasons why Haters hate.

1. Your accomplishments stands greater than they actual do, even with heels on!  The fact that you are willing and able to go out there and get that education to empower yourself is a threat to them.  Other than finishing high school, what else did you with your education?  Since 2008, I have obtain an A.S. in English, a Master Certificate in Telecommunication Technology, an Executive Certificate in the Cloud and in IT Security, a B.A. in Computer Network Management and I am currently working on my Master in Information System with a minor in Database Administration and Management. (Sidebar: According to my cousin Q, he believes that since I have been in school for so longer that I should have a wing at some university somewhere. Right?)
2. Have you ever notice how Haters don't know what kind of job you have?  They just know that you do something because you are making more money than them and the fact that it is a steady paycheck. The fact that you have money to do all the things you want to do whatever at anytime you want to.  And the fact that you can purchase things due to your budgeting skills.  The word "budget" has not hit them yet.  If you got a scratch on that car of yours, yeah, the Haters did it!  What is in your pocket is none of their business. 
3. Haters don't like what is on your arm, meaning that handsome boyfriend\husband or that beautiful girlfriend\wife can create a few Haters.  Haters are usually the first ones all up in their faces thinking that they got something better to offer. NO, they don't and it comes with a whole hell of a lot of drama!(That right I said it! A whole hell of a lot of drama!)  And might even call for you to go visit the doctor a few times as well.
4. Have you even notice that Haters get mad about what trips you take?  If you travel somewhere other than grandmother's house, they get mad.  Don't go to a foreign countries because then all sort of egocentric attitudes come out of them. In my case, I lived in Istanbul, Turkey and on occasion I go back there.  And I glad that say that the black folks were more thoughtful and the hood rats in their interest.  But even getting on a plane is a no-no for the Haters!  They can't fly! 'Cause the bird is always falling and crashing! 
5. This one is my favorite, my child does not have a police record nor has he ever been kick out of school!  Your child has accomplish all the things that theirs did not.  I think this sentence speak for itself.  But let me add salt to the Haters' wound; my son is a MP in the Wisconsin Army National Guards.  I am so proud of him.
6. Last but not least, the reason why Haters hate you . . . . you don't give in to the BULLSHIT! You got a life that does not have time for it and it can not be schedule in.  Even when you are taking a toilet break, you don't have 30 seconds for it.  You have cleaned up your Facebook because of it.  You have select those who can be and share on your Instagram.  You have practically minimizes it on Twitter and only the beautiful pictures can be pinned on Pinterest. Now I use Buffer of all my social media pages.  I post one time to be shared all cross and Buffer eliminates any garbage that tries to come.

Now it has come to my attention that sometimes Haters would simple hate you for absolutely no reason at all other than that they are NOT happy with their own lives!  Either way and regardless of what you do for yourself and others there will be Haters.  However we can thank them for the all their envious encouragements.

Is that English? No. 2

I was sitting on the bus on my way to work when I over heard a young man speaking on his cell phone.  I do not know the nature of his call however the words that he said to his friend I am still lost.

• We gon hit the joint on Thirday, bounce around and flow!

I got the first part of this sentence but second part absolute not! I am not going to give myself a headache over it. 

When Hell has Frozen Over!!

When Hell Freezes Over is a term that is very often said throughout the day somewhere in regards to something.  This term means for something that is not to happen in this lifetime or in the unforeseeable future, or simply not a chance.  More or less we say it in regards to personally matters like getting marry.  I know my family said it when I got married in 2000.  Hell even I said, "Hell has frozen over, look at what I done did!"  Mothers and fathers have and continue to say it when they don't want their precious son or daughter to marry a certain individual that they simple don't like.  We use it when it comes to working out matters with a distance family members or friends.  You know how tempers can flare in certain ways!

How about when something that has happen that you really thought would NEVER happen at all! Our immediately response is first shock followed by either "All Hell!" or "Hell naw! Hell just frozen over!"  This disbelief part is what leaves many of us in a blank stare and empty minds.  We ask it in a question form, "Did Hell just freeze over?" and there are time when we might put it in statement form with emphases on it, "Well, I must say that Hell has just frozen over!".  We have even been sarcastic with the phrase.  And know the face when you are making a the time of stating the phrase. You got the one eye brow cocked up with a devilish smirk.  We even say it to make it stand strong and tall by enforcing it with actions.

Whenever Hell Freezes Over we are left in astonishment and\or disbelief of the things that had occur.  Some of us has even try to come to terms with hell freezing over and some of us can not it that is too often resorted into actions that would further our disbelief by the victims of its pray.  For those us who can not accept the coldness from Hell, we would either go out to find drink or they are equipped with the alcohol already or find some other way to deal with hell. often there is not enough covers provided it to give us warmth from the freezing Hell.

Accepting the reality of any wanted or unwanted news can be and often more difficult to come to terms with then we realizes.  I am not saying that every one goes out to drink when it comes to receiving good or bad new from Hell Freezes Over, only some of us would take to more mellow options out.  Some of us try to find a explanation as to why Hell froze over and for some of us, we simply just nag, nag, and nag from the bothersome of Hell freezing over! (Is it just me or do some of you agree, that when a person nag too much you either just want to stuff them away some where or shot them?)

I think that for now on I will keep a record of the number of When Hell Freezes Over moments to understand if they even worthy hell moments. But in any case if hell freezes over for me, the next day I will go out and buy a bottle of Absolute Vodka and toast to it!  Because it most likely will be a good thing, and even if it is a bad thing, I still toast to it.  Why?  Because either way it is probably for the best.

Is that English?

Before I mention in my introduction that I sometimes have to say to certain family members on whether or not they were speaking English.  I am going to have a segment called "Is that English?"  because I often do wonder how some people passed English.  I know sometimes that my own English can be confusing and crazy, and I do have a habit of thinking faster than I can type (I am sure that some of you have notice that already!), however I do go back a re-read what I have written before and make those corrections and\or often I do change some things to have a better meaning.  However as we get more and more tech savvy with things, especially with texting, it also bring about how we are writing to each other.  I have a few texts that I would like to share with you.  You are going to shake your head and laugh.

This one I received today.

• I see. If don't talk you don't me that's interesting. 

Ladies and gentlemen, I was in the ladies' room and upon reading this, I stop all business to say "WHAT?!"   And I did not think I can recoup for the remaining afternoon.

The Dog House

Since 2013 I have been seeing this guy, "J", off and on, and often I had to keep him in the dog's house for one reason or another.  Usually I place him in the dog's house because of some of things that come out of his mouth or his actions in which he believes is either something that a real man is not supposed to do or it is in my safety for him to do what he did.  Sidebar: I have lived in Turkey, like I need shelter. Right!  But let me tell you why he now has to find a new owner.

The second of March my grandmother passed away and a few days later my second father, Leroy, went into the hospital.  Needless to say both Pat, my second mother, and I were beside ourselves.  I, at that time, did not have the opportunity to grieve over my grandmother when we learned that Leroy had pneumonia while he was already suffering from a pancreatic disease, which was why he was there in the first place.  Not knowing what is going to happen next, Pat prepared the family members.  So I called "J", the guy, and I am telling him because at this point I am done asking him to come over comfort your aunt.  The words that came out of his mouth were "I trying to collect the facts?"  Collect the facts. . . . really? (Strike one.) Since I am keeping this blog clean, know that I did say some words and hung up the phone.  I took a five minutes breather and called him back.  Yes I know some of you ladies would have not bothered.  However, I called him back to acknowledge that I was way emotional but it does not mean that I was not thinking clearly.  According to him, I was not.  (Strike two)  I was thinking clear enough to tell that him how he should really stop with his foolish pride and come over and spend some time with his aunt.  (There is a big back story with this and I will probably tell you later.)  I was then told to stay out of his business when it comes to his relationship with his aunt.  He is right about that, so he needs to stop asking me about his aunt's business and come over here and learn for his self as to what is going on with her. 

Ladies and gentlemen, the words that then came out of his mouth (strike three); again I am keeping this blog clean, however it did followed with him hanging up of his phone.  Since then I had not heard anything from him (strike 4 - 19) until Mother's Day when he sent me a text wishing me Happy Mother's Day.  Now gentlemen, do you think he deserves a response? No I did not give him one because he is in the dog house.  Me not calling him during that time means he is in the dog house!  How long will I keep him in the dog's house?  Well. . . . He has to find a new owner because I no longer want any more pets!

Let me tell you where strikes 20 - 42 come in at.  The following week I get a text from him say that I was rude and inconsiderate.  And I respond with "Are you lonely?"  The remaining the conversation was this:
"J": What? You are very rude and selfish.
Me: You are the reason for the rudeness.
"J": Wow and you could not say "thank you!" (Strikes 43 - 74)
Me: I have been grieving over my grandmother's death and having to deal with Leroy, and you want to call me selfish.  You are the ONLY person I am being selfish to.  Your lack of sympathy and understanding is why you did not get a "thank you!"

What I going to say applies to both men and women, being insensitive to your partner is not the  right thing to do.  Even when you don't understand, just be there.  What makes relationships work well is understanding what the other person is going thru or at least making an effort to understand, which was something that "J" was not trying to do nor has he in the past.  You not making that effort is how you get in the dog house.  And some women have the tendency to keeping their boyfriend\husband in the dog house  until he realizes what he has done wrong.   But then again we do have some women who find it fun to have him in the dog house anyway! 

On my end, one I have ran out of Alpo and two, I am no longer willing to continue to insure the house.  I saw some Steve Madden's that I want.

Saying hello to Joe!

Hello there,

For years we the people have come to love our coffee first thing in the morning.  Why is that?  One number reason. . . to wake up!  Unless you are one of those people who do not need coffee to wake at all.  I would be one of those people and depending on what is going on that day, I will be running around with energy to burn without even touching, let alone taken a sip of a cup of coffee. 

Sorry Joe!  My heart goes out to you because I know that you are friends with every one around the world. Regardless of what time it is during the day you are always there to greet and warm people's heart with that one cup. Especially during the winter!  I know for sure that you love when girls are holding you so preciously and better than their own boyfriends.  You probably get a kick out of how they hold you next to their heart and\or while us ladies are driving and we put you in between our legs.  (that is as far as I am going on that matter!) I am just saying the warmness feels good. Though I do have one question for you,  how do you feel when the guys take that one good sniff of you before having their first sip of the day?  You probably feel good knowing that you have made his day.

Joe, I would like to also express my appreciation, and that I am sure that there are many people like me who appreciate you as well, going to the fact that you come in many favors and is being roasted in various ways to bring to us, the world, the savory that for fills our taste buds with the wonders of alertness to our day.  From your light body to you full strength body, to the extreme that you will accommodate anyone and every one's taste of being dripped, brewed, boil, percolator, French Press and I sure that there many other ways that you allow us to brew, drink and enjoy you, Joe.  Other than Absolute, you are prefect at any time of the day and night. 

I can not stand the fact that you go with almost everything. From breakfast, lunch and dinner; the main course that I had a Cooper Hawk's where you were part of the seasoning on the Lamb.  OMG!! I could have been your bitch for the night.  And when you were in that coffee cake last month, I was ready to marry you and the chief, but sadly, the chief was ready married. 

Joe, I love you in the mornings but can't stand you in the afternoons.  I prefer your company in hotness with cream and sugar, and I will dis you when you are in cold form.  Again, there are those who will appreciate you in any form and at any time of the day.  Too bad we don't have a Golden Glove for you because I would love to see you in  tux.

My Introduction to you!!

Hello there,

For a while I am been wanting to do some writing especially about my life in Istanbul, Turkey. Writing stories here and there, and including some stories from my BBF Glenna.  However I notice that more and more people are writing blogs.  First let me say that I am no expert in writing blogs, so going forward in whatever you may read hear, do understand that (1) we are all entitle to freedom of speech.  I am going to speak my mind about the common sense in our everyday life, because that is the purpose of me building this blog.  And (2) we are always entitled to our own opinion and I am not the not the one to tell no one that they should not believe in what they believe.  Keep in mind that my blog is all about the Common Sense of It All in any topic.

However I find myself analyzing common sense in certain areas like dating, our government and who don't have an opinion about our government, things that are happening in our city and neighborhood, things that I trying to understand the common sense of, and our English language.  C'mon now, I am sure there are a few of you out there who has said to some one "is that English you are speaking?" 'Cause I am always saying this one family member or another.

So I am hoping that there are people like me who are, as we live in our everyday lives, try to make sense of every day common sense.  Even and especially when we witness what other people do, the Common Sense of It All!