The Host of 6 Souls

Okay, so a while back some of you have read my pieces about Jonathan Rhys-Meyers (That Boy from Ireland!) and in it I mention that I watch one of his many movies called 6 Souls, and I said that it was made in heaven for me in a psychological way that I kind of in way - took it apart.  The movie was directed by Måns Mårlind and Björn Stein with the gorgeous star Julianne Moore (I love her in the The Big Lebowski and Boogie Nights!).

Now before I could write this piece, I had to watch the movie 5 times because I did not get some of the scenes being that the first time watched it, I got scared the bejesus out of me with that whole thing that Johnny was doing with his characters.  See . . I don't watch nor do I care for scary movies so therefore every time I watched this movie I had all the lights on in the house, not to mention that I had a bat too.  Yeah, I am a scary cat and I will not even lie about that!

As I was watching the movie, from what I could understand of Moore's character, not only was she a sane but also a fearless bitch.  And according to this movie it look like Moore's character at times would wanted to pick up a bat to beat the shits out of JRM's character. (I know I did but I keep a bottle of Vodka even if it was empty next to my desk!)

There is a scene where Julianne's character takes Johnny's character back to the woods in a wheel chair, and Julianne turns her back for a moment to make a phone call, she return back to the Johnny and he is not there; and she was like "where in the hell did he go to?"  And out of no where Johnny's character walks up behinds her with a different personality.  See in that scene, my right hand would have came from Alabama with a custom made alligator rolling pin and would have went upside Johnny's head for scaring the bejesus and his other cousin out of me!

Now as I was watching this movie I came across somethings that would make most of you say "What the fuck!" First of all, there is a house in the movie and if I went into a house with its extremely nasty filthiness, I would turn my ass around and never came back.  Y'all, Mr Clean would beat my ass for even asking him to help to me clean that house then Mr. Clean would banned my ass for using his products in my own clean house.  That is just how bad it was according to the movie. To the set creators, good job on the house.

Towards the end of the movie, for me things started making sense about Jonathan's crazy ass characters because I was thinking this character here was just beyond bipolar.  Then I thought that well maybe his character was to have schizophrenia (Yes people I had to look this word up in the dictionary and it still does not register with me.)  But then, I started to remember one of my favorite Korean soap operas when the main male character was dealing DID.  Y'all when you watch the movie then you understand what he done DID.  He DID have a lot of souls and I counted 6 of them that he DID took for his own survival.

DID, dissociative identity disorder which is having a mental disorder on the dissociative spectrum characterized by the appearance of at least two distinct and relatively enduring identities or dissociated personality states that alternately control a person's behavior, accompanied by memory impairment for important information not explained by ordinary forgetfulness.  (As I continue to keep reading this definition, I will be the first to admit that it was over my head!)  To put is in simple terms, he couldn't find one personality that he liked.

Y'all, I brought the movie from iTune and I think that the next time I watch better have me a virtual gun to kill the characters, not Johnny.  For Johnny, I have a belt to beat his ass with. . . .I don't know what the hell he was thinking.  That boy is lucky I am not his mother because I sure would beat the bejesus in him. LORD!

Y'all watch the movie, 6 Souls by y'all damn self.  (I am going to find me a bottle of Vodka!)

A Scorn Woman Like Me

The saying goes "Hell has no fiery like a Scorn Woman" and it is a true saying.  Ladies when we get get hurt by the man of our dreams we become a true Devil's daughter in her own rights.  Ladies we not only go after him but everything that involves him in his world including that new bitch in his life!  We go after the car, his new place and his job.  Hell we will take a skillet upside his damn head hoping that some sense will come to him before he walks his ass out that the door.  Am I right? Well at least most of y'all do.  And we do this because we are seeking that closures that he refuses to give to us.

But ladies let me share with you my own heartbreak.

My heart goes way back to the south side of Chicago.  We grow up together, he went away and got married and divorced.  I had a child, went away, got married and divorced.  However this man had heart and there was nothing I would have not done for him.  If he had said "pack your shit and let's go!" I would have done it.  But unfortunately my love was either not want he wanted or it was not good enough.  Come to think of it, in all years I have have known him, he never once said he told that he love me.  (Bet somebody is going to say "Your stupid ass should have paid attention! And I guess what I am about to say? . . . . . That I am woman enough to admit that I was!)

But I guess that is why I did not shredded a tear for him when things when down they way they did.  I got jealous of him telling someone that utter those words to person and never to me.  Now usually I don't jealous about nobody for no reasons.  And yes I was truly beside myself when I heard him say them.  The car ride on the home was quite.  He drop me off and left. Never heard from him again and he did not returns my phone calls accepting my apologizes.  Once I tired to reach to him and he did not respond.  And I accepted that.

I accepted it after I stop to think about all ways I wanted to boiled his ass with a blow torture.  Y'all I will be in the kitchen pouring myself a glass of wine, holding the bottle thinking how can I screw this up his ass.   How many of you saw the movie Single White Female?  There is a part in there where Jennifer Jason Leigh's character kills Bridget Fond's boyfriend with a 6-inch stilettos heel right to the tempo . . . .yeap, I thought about that too.

I accepted it ladies because it was definite awake up call to understanding that he really did not love me as I thought.  And that was to my first understanding.  Yes ladies, that in itself was really hard to grasp and it took a minute to get over it.  And how did I get over it? I went shopping and I got under another man.  Because of how the relationship ended I really did not want to give myself like that again and I could not believe that all those years of friendship and other things that were between us was gone just like that.

But this got me to start think differently about my next, if and when I get into it, relationship.  It brought two subjects to before me that I really did not want to deal with: commitment and the trust of my love. Now I knew that I had commitment issues but I don't think that would have been my problem with him.  However once again my commitment issues started to surface, and I did not have time to give flying rat ass about him at that moment when I knew I had to deal with this issue before getting into the next serious relationship. Yes I had commitment issues before I was married and even today I still find myself with that problem.  To put it simply, I do not want to do it.  That fear factor is there and I was afraid that I will not be able to confront it. 

Coming away from that breakup I started thinking how can I trust the next man to tell him I love him?  Cause now I am scared to tell the next "good man" that I love him due to the last ass with his rejections of my love, This is would be of great difficulty for me.  If he is not apart of the Johnson family, and this include Brent, LeRoy and my son, that I will and would tell them that I love them and all their fuckin flaws.

Okay, okay, I still do love my ex husband and this because that man gave me the world to explore and learn from; and for that I am most grateful to him.  He encourage me in ways that I did not know could from a man outside of my family.  But those three words "I love you" are not words to be taken lightly because they have brought many people pain and grief.  People have divorce and been killed over those words, and one side love have been shattered over those words.

Some people do not understand that to say "I love you" it comes with huge amount of respect for the one that you are saying it to.  See my ex husband gave me respect with those words and even when we divorce he gave me that respect.  However with this breakup I learned that regardless of how years we had known each other, he did not respect me at all.

The number reason as to why I am not bitter about this is because when I was younger, my uncles told me that a man is going to be where wants to be when it comes to a woman.  Ladies it has been three years since the breakup, and I have approach each and every new relationship with the next man with skepticism.  I let that man make his own mistakes and did not let the pain from the past relationships be his responsibility. Because we (and I am saying this because both men and women are guilty of it) hold the next lover who comes into our lives responsible for what the last lover did; and that is not fair to them.  He or she did not doing nothing wrong, yet we make difficult for them to get next to our heart.

And let me tell you another reason why I am not bitter, because I am not about to give him that power!  I am NOT going to ruin my life for him. I am have and continue to enjoy every single bit of what life has to offer.

With that said, hey Guy who broke my heart! I may be a woman who is having fun enjoying her life with out any bitterness but do not gave me a reason to scorn your ass.  But then again it would have to be a damn good reason for me to scorn you. Your new life does not count!

Coming in February!

Okay, so it is already February and for me I think February is the month that I personal hate to most.  This is new to me and I have been feeling this for the past 4 years.  And it is nice to know that I am not only in this.

Everyone looks forward to February because it is the romance month.  My ass!  How many of your women out there was in a relationship where your guy does not celebrate Valentine's Day?  I bet that his answer is that everyday is Valentine's Day and does not show it to you.  Let tell you what you should.  The next time he wants chips & salsa, make it fresh from a recipe but also add little of paprika and grand marsala and then wait.  Leave very little toilet paper in the bathroom.

See my problem was that I have been getting with knuckleheads who did not celebrate Valentine's Day. Last year I treated myself to a Valentine's Day dinner at Chipolte and got Valentine wishes from a few college boys. (That is so sweet that their mama let them go out to get potty trained!)

I was dating an idiot that at that time seem to not understand how important Valentine's Day is to a girl.  So I left his ass at home that night, where he truly belongs.  I left his in 2015 because ladies this something that both Wendy Williams and Steve Harvey agreed on.  If you have been a relationship for 2 years or more and it is not moving no where, leave his ass where is at and move on to the next.  Which is now my new motto. But now I get text messages stating that I am so mean to him and that he misses me.  Bullshit. . . his ass is horny and I ain't got none for him.

What will I do with Valentine Day this year?  I don't know but I am sure it will involve a bottle or two of wine.

As I was talking to Glenna, she pointed out as to why she hated February.  Because it is the one month that you literally have to turn around and pay again.  Think about it.  You are short by 2 -3 days in renting your apartment.  In the other months, you are paying for 30-31 days to rent your apartment.  February is the only month in which your apartment is the most expensive, with the exception of this year because it is leap year. However, do the math! Then you will see it.

However I think that the main reason why most of us love or appreciate February is that we can't wait to receive our W-2 forms for file our income taxes as soon as possible.  For the next few months most of us are wishing to get money back from Uncle Sam, and when we don't get our money back because Uncle Sam says so then we are so ready to government out!  GIVE ME BACK MY DAMN MONEY, PUNK ASS GOVERNMENT!  I am sorry, may that is just me.

February also bring about the Superbowl game, something that I still have not gotten into regardless of how many times I have watched.  And I think mainly it is because of the ridiculous cost of is.  Five million dollars for a commercial slot and $4300 for a damn ticket.  Now I am not greedy however if anyone, meaning those who are will to fork over any amount of money of a few a hours of anything, are willing to give me $75,000 (after taxes of course), I will be most appreciative of your kind gesture.  And at least with me, you will get more than a 60 second time slot.

And why is it that Superbowl is always held in February?  What is wrong with the other months?  Okay December is out, it is already full.  So is November and October is too scary for football.  Come to think of it, I think April is only month that does not have anything is it to celebrate. Poor April!

But beside that I am sure that many people have a love/hate moment with February.

Is that damn Superbowl over with?  I need my TV back . . .